What to Do With All That Anger
5 powerful ways to move it, feel it, and finally stop letting it run your life.
Most men were never taught how to feel.
We were taught how to push it down.
To "man up."
To stay strong.
To not show weakness.
So what happens?
We stuff emotions down for days… weeks… years.
Until eventually, the tea kettle explodes.
It comes out sideways.
We snap at our wife.
Yell at our kids.
Lose it in traffic.
Or isolate and shut everyone out.
Not because we’re bad men.
But because we were never taught how to feel anger without becoming anger.
Why This Matters
Anger in itself is not the problem.
It’s not “toxic.” It’s not wrong.
It’s actually a signal.. a flare from the nervous system saying:
“Something’s not right.”
“A boundary is being crossed.”
“There’s pain underneath this.”
The issue is that most men only know two modes when anger arises:
Explode
Suppress
Neither helps.
The real work, the deeper masculine work, is learning how to be with anger.
To feel it fully, without reacting.
To use it for clarity, without projecting it onto others.
So What Do We Do With Anger?
Here are some healthy, embodied ways to process anger instead of stuffing it down or lashing out.
1. Move It Through the Body
Anger is energy. You can’t just “think it away.”
You have to move it.
Sprint hills
Slam a medicine ball
Shadowbox
Go lift something heavy
Hike hard
Jump in a cold river
Don’t hold it in your jaw or your chest. Move it.
Anger that isn’t expressed becomes tension. Anger that’s moved becomes power.
2. Create Stillness After Movement
Once the energy is out, sit with what’s left.
Breathe slow and deep (box breathing, 4-7-8)
Do nothing. Just feel.
Let the nervous system recalibrate
Stillness shows you what the anger was covering.
3. Write It Out
Grab a notebook. Get it out of your head and onto the page.
Try prompts like:
“What am I really angry about?”
“Where do I feel out of control or disrespected?”
“What old wound is this poking at?”
“What’s the first time I remember feeling this way?”
You’ll be surprised what surfaces.
4. Speak the Truth to Someone You Trust
Find a safe container.. a friend, a brother, a coach.
Say the thing you’ve been holding in.
Own it. Don’t sugarcoat it. Just speak it.
Unspoken anger turns to resentment. Spoken anger, held in presence, becomes transformation.
5. Look Beneath It
Anger is often the top layer.
Beneath it?
Fear. Sadness. Shame. Grief.
Ask:
What part of me feels unsafe right now?
What truth am I avoiding?
What do I need that I’m not giving myself?
This is the deeper work. This is where things actually shift.
You’re not broken because you get angry.
You’re human.
But if you want to lead… to love… to walk through life grounded and clear, you can’t let that anger control you anymore.
You have to learn how to be with it.
Feel it.
Move it.
And transmute it into something useful.
This is what it means to be a strong man in today’s world.
Not to suppress.
Not to explode.
But to stay rooted, even when the fire rises.